


through misty eyes, we exit the maze

by daengbit



Series: there is always calm before the storm [3]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Chanu appears briefly to catch his dads in the act., Drabble and a bit more, M/M, Will I ever write something happy ummm dunno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 02:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15160571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daengbit/pseuds/daengbit
Summary: The maze was to remain unsolved, but Jiwon had always been a game master, and the perspective of what he’d find at the end of it was frightening to say the least.





	through misty eyes, we exit the maze

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble request at twitter that came out a bit too long. [Find me.](http://twitter.com/bennyindaeyo)

_“Why are you always pushing me away?”_

 

 

 

His eyes were misty. 

 

Maybe from tireless nights awake thinking of ways to right his wrongs, maybe of crying so much in the shower to the point he didn’t even feel capable of feeling sad over small losses. Maybe because he was a complete 21st century mess, the weight of what people expected of him balancing on the ends of a pole, and he was to walk a thin rope, dangling above the skyscrappers of Seoul.

 

Truth is he did know why, but had no reason to tell it. So, when Jiwon grabs him by the arm and looks him sternly, in the eyes - like they used to - he feels a cold shiver running down his spine. His dry throat being unable to produce words correctly, causing him to cough and swear.

 

“What the hell are you on about.”

 

Jiwon doesn’t let it go, doesn’t laugh it out, like they would probably do in any other normal situation. Cameras were off now, there was no one around now. The pink was tinting Hanbin’s cheeks, hooded eyes drifting away from reality and into the maze his mind laid out for him.

 

The maze was to remain unsolved, but Jiwon had always been a game master, and the perspective of what he’d find at the end of it was frightening to say the least.

 

“Hanbin,” His voice was raspy and low. He had drunk quite a bit, too, but clearly Jiwon was able to hold his liquor, as opposed to the youngest who was a wobbly mess with only two small shots of soju. Roughly, half a bottle. “I’m starting to get actually tired.”

 

“Oh,” Hanbin laughed briskly. “Then you should go to bed.”

 

Of course that wasn’t what he meant. Of course Hanbin knew that, too, but still, he smiled softly, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, although he would like to think it carried good intentions.

 

Jiwon’s fingers curled a bit stronger around his arm. Hanbin didn’t feel the pain, but maybe it was a matter of numbness rather than lack of strenght.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

Staff came in and out of the tents, carrying cameras around and calling everyone to shower and go to bed soon. Jiwon counted in his mind that he still had a few minutes to spare before someone would come between them. Math was not his forte, but he would make do with the moments he were allowed.

 

“I’m tired of being pushed away, and then back in. I would like to understand you but only if there’s a possibility for me to.”

 

“Hyung,” Hanbin’s slurred speach made things even more difficult for him, he couldn’t even filter himself at the moment, the painful smile that rose up to the surface showing a bit too much, “This game doesn’t have a happy ending, or, like, a big boss you can beat and then be done with.”

 

He sucked in some air, something to fuel his lungs before he blurted out, screaming, “There's nothing beyond that exit, no rewards to claim, you see? We suffer, we lose, nothing we do will ever make us free-“

 

It was in a rush, a hand that came up to silence him for a moment, a body that crashed down on his as he got pushed into the small tent their group mates would have to share for the night. Jiwon felt his breath hinge for a second, the vision of a drunk out of his mind Hanbin, entangled legs and arms up in defeat, hair disheveled and red lip, it was something that made his stomach twist in panic.

 

“… You…” A pause, dry swallonging and bottom-lip sucking, "You were screaming. Someone could have heard you.”

 

“I have nothing else to lose,”

 

No.

 

"I already lost you.”

 

You didn’t.

 

“I sometimes wish I didn’t know a thing. When I knew nothing I could pretend I didn’t want this. Now the more I search for something, the farther away I get from any answers. Where am I going, what is this labyrinth and where is it taking me.”

 

Jiwon couldn’t answer any of his questions, as if he hadn’t a thousand of them himself. He could only let himself feel Hanbin’s breathing, the smell of alcohol and mint, caressing his face as he spoke softly, hurtfully, eyebrows curling up in sorrow, something other than the emptiness he couldn’t get out of, "Does it even have a purpose? I’m going around in circles, no third eye can make me see through walls. So if I let you touch me I burn. But if I don’t, then I freeze to death.”

 

What was that. A light, a brief twinkle, maybe tears pooling at his bottom eyelids. A forced smile.

 

“I get hurt, and I hurt you, and I pressure you into doing this. You don’t owe me a thing, Jiwon, you can live your life.”

 

Silence. Something that felt so right for them, even now, he could feel somewhat comfortable in a brief pause. This time it wasn’t nothing like an awkward conversation. They were beyond the gates, even beyond what Hanbin felt was his ultimate defense.

 

_“I am.”_

 

Jiwon punched through the maze walls. 

 

Warmth, his lips, his face, his hands, and his breath was warm and it was like blowing a wildfire through his guts. The pit of his stomach, his chest, his limbs and head. His eyes burnt up and tears rolled down at whim, hands desperately grasping at Jiwon’s back as he pressed himself down on the leader. Tongue darting out and finding space, something that felt like panic and urgent need of touch and merging. 

 

A fistful of locks of purple hair, a grunt of lust, a bite down his lip that bust it open without him even noticing - or wincing in the slightest, he was delighted to taste his own blood. It mean he still had some left.

 

Then, a sound. A snap, and Jiwon turned around instantly to find the chocked, pale expression of Jung Chanwoo, covering his mouth. None of them said a word, not the youngest, or the two adults in the most preposterous of the positions.

 

“ _S-sorry-“_ He whimpered, softly, bowing and running off. 

 

Jiwon didn’t turn around, for once, he didn’t want to be read. If he turned around now, his face would give it all away. Pain, delight, struggle, confusion, lust, _love._ He was never comfortable with showing emotions, let alone when he didn’t understand half of them.

 

Hanbin sighed, not impressed nor scared. Now what would follow would be denial, betrayal, something to the lines of ‘It was a mistake, I won’t speak of it again’.

 

He knew. Or at least, he thought he knew. Once again, Hanbin was humbled to his state of mortal consciousness, not knowing half of what life had reserved for him.

 

 

 

“… I told you I’m living my life now, so I won’t stop myself. If… You’re my life, then I’m going to live accordingly.”

 

 

 

A slap would have stunned him less. 

 

 

 

Jiwon got up and left, not glancing back even once.

 

Hanbin had to exhale strongly, blinking a couple times and wondering if he hadn’t just… Been drunk and hallucinating or something the like. No, he leaved months in seclusion and repression, trying to condition himself to stop thinking like that.

 

_Just friends_ , he repeated his own personal mantra, _he’s my friend._

 

Nothing would convince him otherwise, not even the scenes that replayed in his head over and over, the hands gropping at his body, the breathlessness with which Jiwon kissed him fiercely.

 

His lip corners were pulling up. 

 

Jiwon always had his ways of cheating unbeatable games. 

 

He didn’t want to be convinced, no, but he reserved at a corner of his mind a thought that could become very dangerous. The thought that maybe this maze wasn’t unsolvable if he met someone in the middle of the vines that came to rescue him, 

 

and maybe Jiwon was doing just that.


End file.
